Quote of the Day, December 19, 2013: “Why does a woman choose a man for his passions and strengths, and then one by one take them away from him?”


This quote of the day instantly struck a chord with many people. One thing that I find interesting is that I do not get many likes or comments on many of the Quotes of the Day but I get absolutely tons and tons of feedback in my private inbox.

I’m actually surprised at the number of women that are surprised by this quote. Just to be clear, this is not some secret message to my wife or to a past girlfriend or anything. To be honest my wife heard it on TV on a show but I could instantly relate, and I know many many men who can as well.

Basically what this quote is saying, something that I go into much more depth in in my book, that there are two competing desires and drives in a woman that influence her mating behavior. Women are attracted to the same things that they fear. They desire to be close to and connect themselves to the same things that also make them uneasy and insecure.

By this I mean, that women like men who are dedicated to something, disciplined, have a deep passion for and chase after goals. They like men who have honed skills that can entertain, or evoke admiration, or that can take care of them, or that can do any number of things for them. The problem arises when women fail to realize that all these things come from a passion and devotion and lots of risk taking that is focused toward those things, and not the woman directly.

And did I mention that many of them involve risk taking. Many women are all to eager to enjoy the spoils of a man’s war, but would never be involved in the struggle itself, and really would rather he didn’t bother with it either. The trouble is you cannot have one without the other. You cannot be a rock star without first having bloody fingers from hours and hours of practicing. You can’t sign an NBA shoe deal without first, and continuing to do thousands and thousands of suicides up and down the floor.

There are many women who get this, for they themselves have their own calloused fingers, and have to ice their knees after every game, but there are many women out there who will hunt down the pianist at the concert because his skills can fill them with desire, and yet lament the day they ever met a musician when he wont’ stop practicing so that they can go out to a party.  Both become unsatisfied and confused as the woman realizes that she turned down all the party guys for the disciplined guy who wasn’t so interested in how low cut her shirt was to begin with, but now that he’s exactly the same as he always was, she finds herself thinking about going to a party with a guy who just wants to drink and have a good time.

Those kinds of women, and there are lots of them, see all that horsepower pulling in a certain direction and find it irresistible, but don’t realize that they really have hopes that they can somehow redirect that horsepower toward them. And to be sure a good man will redirect a great deal of it toward the woman of his choice, but that kind of man is already on a journey. The woman herself isn’t a journey. She can come along if she likes and enjoy the fruit of his efforts. But she doesn’t want that. She wants to be his efforts. And so without even knowing it, she slowly wittles away at the very things she once desired him for, all the while thinking she is completely justified in rerouting this obviously neglectful or irresponsible man. Because in her mind, the definition of irresponsible, is anything that diverts his attention from her and what she wants to do. The sad part is these men are more responsible than they ought to be, and will often allow themselves to slow down in an effort to better tend to their woman’s wants. The couple grows old together, and the women looks at this now aging man, splendor and vigor all but taken from him, who once showed so much promise and potential, and she’s all but bored and disgusted. He never became what he could have become. She’s not now reaping the benefits of a full and adventurous life, that she seems some of her friends enjoying. She confused on how he could have let her down so. Yet she cannot complain, for she has her reward. She lived it the last 20 years or so. Now it is over. Her other friends are just beginning their 20 years of reward. Yet still she feels cheated. And so does he.

It’s quite a complex concept to explain. I’ve not done well at all at it here, but I challenge you to find that uberly talented guy in your life (everybody knows one) and ask him about it. You’ll be surprised how familiar he will be with the concept.

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1 Comment

  1. Not all out there find their perfect match-perfect in the way that ones’ passions can be explored extensively without need of concern of another’s needs at that time and moment.True and complimentary to one another are those that are as passionate about letting someone have the complete freedom to divulge in his or her passion without interference at the time. This is not always feasible due to situations out of our control, at times, but most often it is. We are not completely selfless creatures, there used to be a phrase, “free spirit” that was used on occasion,and in my years of life and social circle, I’ve met 1. This is not necessarily a position of the woman finding the man irresistable due to the charisma of his talents, etc. It can also be reversed. And, perhaps, a few become possessive, jealous of whatever, needy beyond necessary,and that is just how it is. A truely complimentary couple is the couple that is honest, kind, considerate, and allows the mate freedom to explore his or her individuality,without feeling slighted. Those that do not have the same passions, yet allow their mate freedom to passionately participate in what he or she loves to do, will have a stronger relationship than those that never have the time, or feel hindered by not making the time. Morally- follow your passions-let your loved ones do the same,and be considerate of oneself and others.

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