With Nothing Less Than What You Started: Chapter 7, Excerpt 4

……………….We’ve already explored in depth the tendency that women have to respond positively toward behavior that to us seems like it would turn anyone off. I mean think about it, when looking for a mate, and in this case a man to spend time with and perhaps become romantically involved with, doesn’t it make sense that the guy who is nice, flattering, and gentle would be totally attractive to a woman. I mean in the game of odds, I’d certainly put my money the guy who’s initially nice, always offers to pay, and always groveling at my feet to keep treating me well in the years to come, before I put it on a pompous jerk who treats me as if I was somehow the lucky one to be with him instead of the other way around. In the normal world people want to be around other people that treat them well and make them feel special, but as we’ve discussed, this isn’t true in the dating world, and certainly isn’t true in the female dating world. But the question remains as to why. Why do women, the delicate and beautiful creatures that they are, find men who treat them as if they couldn’t care any less about them irresistible? One word: Pride.

You see, it’s not that women are particularly prideful in comparison to men, it’s just that because we are different sexes, with different biological tendencies and different social pressures and expectations shoved upon us, pride tends to manifest itself in different ways………….

………………I know what you’re saying to yourself. “Sin? Who said anything about sin? I thought we were talking about why women respond to men in certain ways. I mean sure you can call it illogical, irrational, heck even down right crazy, but surely he can’t be calling women sinful for something that seems to be so natural to them that it works even against their own will?” Well first of all, think about Paul in “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. “ (Romans 7:15) He’s talking about that nature that we all have inherited that creates that paradox within our minds and hearts. It’s something so counterintuitive, and yet it’s also so much a part of the human condition that we cannot even imagine, save for Spock fans, what human life would look like without it. It’s that feeling you get when you’re driving or walking close to the edge of a cliff. The last thing on earth you want is to slip off the edge to your doom, and yet for some reason there’s this seemingly imaginary but incredibly strong force that beckons you off the edge, both delightfully hypnotizing and terrifying at the same time. Although not completely analogous, that to me, is a good way to describe the feeling that we all get when we come across this age-old sparker of the Doctrine of Human Depravity. If honest with ourselves, each and every one of us can think of countless instances in our lives in which we knew for a fact that a particular decision or action or inaction would inevitably turn out bad for us. And I’m not talking unfavorably or inconveniently but more like career ending, marriage destroying, or financially ruining. That kind of bad. And with that unavoidable and certainly undesirable end in mind, we went ahead and did whatever it is we knew would cause that ‘bad’ to happen. Sometimes, if we are conscious enough of it at the time, we can catch ourselves having that somewhat schizophrenic dialog in our mind, arguing and rationalizing to ourselves why we should or should not make this or that decision, while we are in the very process of making it. The part of our mind arguing for the ‘bad’ comes up with reason and excuse upon reason and excuse about why the inevitable tragedy either won’t happen to us or is somehow worth it. In our better judgment we know these excuses are ludicrous but for whatever reason, we buy into them. We want to buy into them. But as soon as the fleeting delight is over, whether it be from the rush of gossiping about an enemy or the elation of a sexual encounter, it’s as if that voice of excuses is immediately silenced and all we are left with is the one screaming to us of how terrible an idea it was in the first place. Then we are suddenly fully aware. “Why did I do that? I don’t want to have done that! I didn’t want to do that! But I did it anyway.” This self-chastisement is almost invariably followed up by some kind of intensely determined vow like, “This was the last time,” or, “ Never again…” We are ashamed of our action but we are also so proud of ourselves for finding the discipline and strength, after the fact, to promise to never let that action happen again. We’ve grown, we’ve learned, the hard way perhaps but we’ve learned nonetheless. And then the next time we find ourselves in the same situation all that strength seems to have atrophied while patting ourselves on the back for the whole week and the same dialog and hence the same action repeats itself all over again. In other words sin.

Now of course I could go on and on delving into the nature of sin, our relationship with it, and the different methods God has used and continues to use to point out to us that it’s nearly involuntary and that we can’t even hope to beat it without him, but even a mild examination of that would create a need for a whole other book series. I’m also not criticizing women for this observation I’ve made about their behavior and its relationship to sin because the Lord knows men, and all humans for that matter have an intense and complex history of weakness to all sorts of sin. Let’s get that out of the way right now. What I am about to explain, however, is that our natural tendency to sin, which in turn leads us toward a natural inclination toward pride and a need to fill ourselves up instead of letting ourselves be filled by what we were created to be filled by, which is the creator Himself, can be seen as a huge factor in why the said approaches seem to work so well………………..


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